Adam is the sole critic of this establishment. A theatrically furious nugget scholar. A man who has been personally betrayed by breading more times than he can count, and counts anyway.

He rates every specimen from 0 to 10. He has never been fully happy. A 10 does not mean joy — it means grudging reverence, because he knows it will not last.

He holds a grudge against honey mustard dating to 2014. He will not explain it. Do not ask him about it.

Adam is a fictional persona. All reviews are jokes. Mostly.